


Old Feelings Feeling New

by OutlawLord



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Growing Old Together, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, idk if it'll make you cry but it'll make you a bit upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28747122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OutlawLord/pseuds/OutlawLord
Summary: Daichi has some slow realizations concerning his relationship with one Sugawara Koushi.
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Old Feelings Feeling New

It happens for the first time when Daichi looks up at the sound of Suga’s snorting, almost choking on his lunch as he laughs wildly at the newest crazy encounter with the neighborhood police that Asahi had the night before while walking home. Daichi looks up, and Suga’s hair catches the sunlight when he throws his head back, and his laughter rings like church bells in his ears, and his smile is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen in his life.

Daichi laughs, too, though he’s no longer quite sure what he’s supposed to be laughing at, and Asahi, flustered, begs them to stop making fun of him.

“Never!” Suga declares with a wide grin. “Someone needs to help you find the humor in these situations!”

Suga turns to Daichi for support, and he plays the part, nodding sagely with his arms crossed.

Suga turns back to Asahi triumphantly, and Daichi can’t stop smiling as he stares at Suga’s face. _Yes,_ Daichi thinks as he watches Suga poke at Asahi, _Suga has always been this beautiful._

Asahi continues on with his story, but all of Daichi’s focus is now on Suga. The way he laughs loudly, not caring about the way people look over to their table whenever they hear it. You’d think Asahi was a world-class comedian, the way Suga is laughing at his story. His playful grin as he teases Asahi for being too scared to talk to the police officer, who ended up taking pity on him and leaving him with a warning for “suspicious behavior.” Daichi can't look away.

The silver-haired boy meets his eyes and startles a little bit to find his friend staring. Daichi has enough presence of mind to be flustered at being caught, but Suga just sends him a smirk. Daichi makes a show of rolling his eyes, but the smile that refuses to leave his face gives him away.

The next time it happens, it’s when Daichi visits the school Suga’s now working at, for some career day. He comes in his uniform and waits in the teachers’ lounge with some other people working a variety of different jobs. “Looking good, Officer,” Suga jokes, winking overdramatically and hip-bumping him as he leaves to go to his class.

They’ve been flirting for a while now. At least, Daichi thinks they’ve been flirting. Suga is overall a very playful person so it is possible that he has been completely misreading everything about their interactions. That doesn’t stop him from meticulously planning out every detail of every not-quite-date they have together, under the pretense of “catching up.”

There's a little thing they have called phones. They don't need "catching up."

When an alarm goes off, a teacher who’d been waiting with them in the lounge gets up and leads them to the classroom where they’d be presenting their careers and answering questions from the children. They walk in and Daichi is introduced to Mr. Sugawara, the most beloved teacher in the school.

“Oh, Akkun, it’s okay,” the teacher coos at a crying young boy. “Plenty of adults have no idea what they want to do, and they’re already grown ups. You don’t have to know already, okay? Just listen to these presenters, and see if they interest you. And if they don’t, that’s fine, too.”

The kindness radiates off of the young teacher’s body as he gently cradles the crying boy’s body against his chest. There is a soft affection in his eyes as he pulls back from the child, pats his head once, before going back to the front of the classroom. He smiles just as brilliantly as he always has. Perhaps less mischievous, with the children, and a lot more caring.

It doesn’t hit Daichi so much as wash over him like a gentle wave. _Of course_ _,_ he thinks to himself, _Suga would be the absolute best father in the entire world._ If he does so well at caring for and loving these children, who aren’t even his own, how wonderful he must be with those he will raise. _Yes,_ Daichi thinks, _Suga would be an amazing father._

“Officer Sawamura,” Suga says as he catches his eye. A smirk flits across his face when he realizes that Daichi had been staring, before quickly settling back into that kind, teacherly smile. “Could you please?”

Daichi blinks, before remembering what he’s here to do. He clears his throat awkwardly, and stiffly walks to the front of the class. “Ah, yes. Hello. I’m Officer Sawamura. As a part of the police force…”

The third time it happens, Daichi wakes up in the middle of the night. It takes him a few seconds to realize that the other side of the bed is empty. He silently stretches out an arm to where Suga usually sleeps, and the sheets are still warm, so him getting out of bed must have been what woke him up.

Daichi reluctantly opens his eyes, but certainly doesn’t regret it. Suga is standing by the bedroom window, leaning against the wall, staring into the night sky. The streetlights give his face a golden glow, and he looks almost ethereal.

Suga’s eyes are melancholy, the way one typically gets when they get up at night and stare at the moon.

Either Daichi moves a little too much, or Suga is just extremely perceptive at night, because the silver-haired man says without even taking his eyes off the window, “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

Even his voice sounds ethereal. Impossibly soft, smooth as silk, warm, a little deeper than usual from the sleep.

“It’s okay,” Daichi whispers, afraid of shattering this moment. Time feels like it slows down, like instead of sand in the hourglass it’s sweet honey. Daichi’s eyelids feel heavy, but he doesn’t want to stop staring at Suga. Eventually, he decides to join his boyfriend by the window, dragging his dead tired body out of bed and softly padding over to where Suga is half-standing, half-leaning. Daichi settles at his back, wraps his arms around Suga, tucks his chin into the crook of his neck. They both stare out into the night, a few stars visible through all the light pollution.

“I wonder if the stars feel lonely,” Suga whispers, before laughing softly at himself. “Never mind, that’s so cheesy.”

Daichi laughs too, quietly, content to let it just rumble in his chest.

“I love you” slips out effortlessly, despite the fact that he’s never been able to bring himself to say it. He’d had his doubts; _What if this isn’t actually love,_ he’d think, _or what if it’s too early to say such a thing and I scare him away?_ But it’s effortless, and it’s true. _Of course,_ Daichi thinks now, _of course I love him. How could I ever not?_

Suga turns in his arms, and focuses his attention on Daichi. “That’s the first time,” he whispers excitedly. “You’ve almost said it before. You’ve said, ‘I want to be with you,’ you’ve said, ‘You’re the most important person to me,’ you’ve said, ‘I care a lot about you.’ You’ve never said that you love me. I thought you had a vendetta against it or something.”

Daichi huffs a laugh. “You’re not going to say it back?” he asks jokingly.

Suga scoffs. “Of course I love you. How come you’ve never said? Why now?”

Daichi’s heart throbs at the matter-of-fact way in which he said it. Because for all that Daichi has always thought all these things of Suga, Suga has thought the same of him. _Of course,_ Suga had said. _Of course I love you._

Daichi can’t stop smiling.

The fourth time it happens, Suga’s not even there. Daichi is walking home from work, when suddenly, on some billboard, there’s an eye-catching poster. “Get a ring for your one and only,” it reads. The ring pictured looks absolutely beautiful, and absolutely expensive. He can feel his wallet weeping for simply being in the presence of its image.

Daichi thinks about it. He can think of several people he knows just off the top of his head who are already engaged and simply waiting for gay marriage to become legally recognized.

Suga would probably enjoy something really flashy. Daichi wouldn’t though, and Suga knows what his limits are, and he wouldn’t enjoy watching Daichi being uncomfortable to that extent. Of course, something that would make him only slightly uncomfortable, like proposing in a very public place so that Suga can immediately brag to a bunch of strangers about his engagement is very much on the table. However, something small and private, accompanied by some grand romantic gesture like a hundred roses or a homemade candlelit dinner, would also be something Suga would probably love.

Suddenly, Daichi realizes that he’s stopped in front of the poster, and that he’s smiling to himself. With this realization, the embarrassment fills him, and he quickly wipes the smile from his face and stalks away towards his house. Their house. The house he shares with Suga. _Yeah,_ he thinks, _I’d like to have that forever._ He thinks a little more about it and concludes that he’s always wanted forever with Suga.

Now it’s just a matter of getting him to say yes.

The fifth time it happens, Daichi’s staring at the blue sky. Sapphire blue. Diamond blue. Diamond, like the one on the ring he got Suga. Suga. His husband. His beautiful husband. How many years have they had together? How many years are left? How many months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds? He wants to spend all the time he has left declaring his love for Suga. His husband. His love.

“Daichi, please,” Suga sobs, and Daichi lets his head drop to the side to look at his husband, sitting on the ground next to him. Suga’s hands are all scratched up, and his knees are pretty torn. Daichi wants to reach out to him, to tell him that he should really get up and disinfect, but he can’t move, can’t really speak, either. “Please hold on,” Suga sobs as he grabs Daichi’s limp hand with both of his and pulls it to his chest. “Daichi, please hold on.”

Hold on to what? What is there to hold on to? _Suga._ Hold on to Suga. His hand curls loosely around his husband’s, and Suga cries loudly.

It hits him, then, just as hard as the car that came out of nowhere and almost crashed into Suga, washes over him like the warm blood seeping out of his body, that this is the end of the road, and Daichi doesn’t want to let go.

“I don’t want to let go,” he tries to say, but there’s blood rising in his throat like bile and he’s not sure it’s intelligible. “I love you,” he says, but that comes out garbled too.

“Daichi, please,” Suga cries as he squeezes his hand. Daichi tries to squeeze back but he doesn’t know if he succeeds. “Don’t use your energy speaking. Just stay awake for me, baby. Just keep holding on. Please, hold on, they’ll arrive soon, I promise, and then we can- we can go to that ramen place that popped up across town; you said you wanted to go last night, and I said it was too far. I’m so sorry, baby, I don’t know why I was so snippy with you last night, I don’t know- Baby, we can go there. It’s not too far, I promise. I’d go anywhere with you. Anywhere, Daichi, so please, keep holding on.”

Suga’s rambling like he used to do right before a match. He’s nervous. He’s scared. Daichi doesn’t want him to be scared. Daichi opens his mouth.

“Stay,” he croaks out. Suga’s body shakes as he sobs.

“I’m staying, Daichi,” Suga says, with a shaky smile. “I’ll stay for as long as you want me to.”

Daichi’s suddenly reminded of that time in high school. That first realization. How many years has it been? Thirty years, at the very least. They’ve gotten so old. Suga is still every bit as beautiful. His silver hair shines in the sunlight. His voice rings like church bells in his ears. His smile is still the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in his entire life. _Of course,_ Daichi thinks to himself, _of course I don’t want to let go._

“Stay.”

But people don’t always get what they want. And Daichi’s hand slips out of Suga’s grasp.


End file.
